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picture of a hand cupping a heart made of glass

Today I was inspired by a thought in Jen Louden’s The Life Organizer: A Woman’s Guide to a Mindful Year.  She says:

“Desire is the flow of life we yearn to swim in, the urge to be one with Spirit, and the way to stay in touch with this flow is through knowing what we want without insisting that we get it.  It is staying with the feeling of desire, following it with curiosity, that leads us ever closer to what we most want.  All desire, at its heart, is about a longing to be loved and to be one with All That Is.  Even the most mundane desires or, worse, ones that have calcified into unhealthy obsessions have at their root this desire to be known and loved.”

I love this idea, it resonates deeply with what I know to be true and how I wish to live my life.  Do I always live this way?  Ha!  I wish.  Usually, when I deeply want something, I also get profoundly attached to getting it exactly as I imagined it and in precisely the timetable I determined — or sooner.  And then, as soon as I’m attached to the outcome, I become responsible for making it happen.

What if we are only responsible for our desire, and the outcome takes care of itself?

This past summer, I took an amazing class with Mark Silver that helped me heal my relationship with money.  In one of the sessions, he was leading us through the Remembrance, and he said, “Notice where you are holding yourself responsible for the outcome.  Bow your head in humility, and raise this responsibility off your shoulders and into the hands of the Divine.  Our work is to show up, to Remember [our connection to the Divine], and to love.  The rest is beyond our control and not ours to do.”

I will never forget that day.  I not only bowed my head in humility — I flung myself out of my chair and onto my knees, sobbing.  I had not realized, until that moment, that I was holding myself responsible and accountable for so much.  For my family’s welfare and happiness.  For creating a wildly successful business (instead of a modestly successful business, as it has been thus far).  For being a leader in my community.  For making a difference.  For doing it (whatever “it” is in the moment) not just right, but perfectly.  Oy!

Since then, I can say I’ve been making progress.  I sent my inner perfectionist to Las Vegas (since Vegas is not my kind of city, I have no concerns I will go and run into her there).  I’ve been practicing the Remembrance more frequently, and surrendering the outcome.  I’ve been noticing what is already working, and being grateful for that.

And yes, my inner perfectionist has been back a couple of times to visit.  I’m as patient as possible with her, and I ship her out as soon as I can.  I stay focused on what I desire: to serve more and more peeps who are out there making a difference in the world.  To be a great mom and partner.  To be part of the solution to our many social ills.  And yes, at the very heart of it, to feel accepted and seen and loved for who I am.  To have people receive my offerings and to receive theirs in return.  To know myself “one with All That Is.”

And you?  What do you desire with all your heart?  And where could you potentially let go of the insistence that it happen just exactly as you planned it?

PS. I’d love to help you name and claim your desires.

Your heart is always calling you to the next great adventure in your life.  But sometimes we need a little help tuning in to that voice.  Perhaps that voice is very shy or quiet or skeptical.  Perhaps it’s been a while since we listened.  I’m teaching a new class next month on how to reconnect to your heart’s calling.  Please join me for a free intro call this coming Thursday, Sept 29 at 8pm ET to talk about why our desires go into hiding, and how we can coax them back out.  Sign up here for the intro call, or visit the page about the class to learn more about it.

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6 Responses to Desire

  1. Cheryl Ann Schmidt September 21, 2011 at 2:53 pm #

    Why is it I identified with the “perfect” aspect of your post? Perhaps my perfectionist could join yours in Vegas?

    I have named my desire for the next three weeks. I want to go on the “No Drama Diet.” I’m sure you’ll find that amusing. Day 1 failed, but not because of any action on my part. Day 2 has been nice. Wish me luck.

    • Julica Hermann September 21, 2011 at 2:59 pm #

      Yes! Let’s charter a plane and keep it handy so we can send our perfectionists back every time they show up. Seriously, I’m starting an un-perfectionist club. Just got off a call with another client…and we talked about perfectionism! Oy!
      I love the “No Drama Diet.” I’m totally behind you, go get ’em.

  2. Jennifer louden September 21, 2011 at 6:43 pm #

    So can relate! Thank you for this beautiful post and for being someone as brave and true as you are!

    • Julica Hermann September 21, 2011 at 8:49 pm #

      Wow, Jen, thank you for taking the time to read and comment. It’s a heady feeling when one of the members of your High Council of Jedi Knights shows up on your blog. ::happy dance::

  3. Cynthia Schroeder September 23, 2011 at 2:11 pm #

    Well, it sounds like there is a party going on in Vegas. I would like to offer up my ‘inner perfectionist” to meet yours in Vegas. I would appreciate it if she did not return any time soon! What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” I hope they all have fun together.

    • Julica Hermann September 23, 2011 at 2:17 pm #

      Hilarious! Yes, may they have many drinks and do whatever they want, as perfectly as they want, all night long. Tee hee.